Deuces, 2013!

Well, 2013 was pretty amazing. Ryker, one of the two most beautiful men on the planet, joined me and his daddy (the other gorgeous beefcake) in May. 

He came 7 weeks early and stayed in the NICU for two weeks.

Right after he came home we waited a week or so and headed out to CA to visit my family and went to the zoo! I'm pretty sure this is our first family picture.

Sam gave his little brother tons of kisses when he was angry post bath.

Ryker and his Great-great Grandma hung out at Jamestown.

I fake smiled my way through the first morning back in uniform and back to work.

Angriest lumberjack ever! And we bought new couches, curtains and a new TV!

I competed in my first team crossfit competition and we took fifth of 17 

teams!

Ryker loves standing and his brincolin, or Jumperoo.

We saw Santa!

And we journeyed out to Colorado to see family and check out neighborhoods we want to move to when I get out if the Navy in 2015.

All in all, probably one of the best years of my life! This year I got to travel through the newest part of marriage with my beautiful husband by expanding our family. We love that little wiggle monster more than we could have imagined possible. We've both made awesome gains in our health and fitness travels and I can't wait to see what we succeed at in the upcoming year. I've got a few lofty resolutions that I plan on tackling, I'm so excited to take advantage of new opportunities. I would tell anyone to not wait for January 1 to clean up bad habits, but it's just such a convenient start date! 

Happy New Years Eve, everyone. I'll raise my ever-filled champagne glass to cheers you all!

Oh, Colorado

Colorado is just too much, I can't wait to move here. It's not a very snowy winter right now, but my in-laws are at a higher elevation and they got an awesome dusting right before we got here. 

They just bought an absolutely gorgeous mountain home on the side of a mountain overlooking this view. The windows...oh man, the windows! Vic, his sister and his friend, Danny left early this morning to ski and left the rest of us behind to meet up for lunch later in Breckenridge. My bum shoulder won't let me snowboard. Correction, my bossy husband with my best interests in mind won't let my bum shoulder snowboard. It's ok though, I love exploring Breck's shops. 

Ryker didn't do so bad on the plane, but I still probably won't choose to fly with a baby with the next one. I get so stressed over bothering other passengers, I think my heart rate was on burpee level the whole time. I did get some great snuggles when Ryker would nap on me. It's those snuggles that made me look at Vic and whisper very quietly, "this is what makes me love being a Mommy". 

Ryker got the cutest outfit for Christmas and done awesome toys here. He's currently on his 10th hour of sleep, he's pretty pooped from yesterday. I can't wait to get him up and see him in shoes! 

Well, I'm going to enjoy the view and a Property Brothers marathon with my coffee until everyone gets up. Happy Monday!

364 days to go!

Well, Christmas has come and gone. It's unbelievable how fast the Christmas season went by! I didn't think that Ryker would get especially excited this year, pretty much the only thing he gets excited for is being in the high chair and opening his mouth SUPER wide to get a bite of his dinner. He did play in his big Christmas present with a bow from one of his gifts while Vic and I opened up the rest of ours. I was really surprised at how long we got away with that one! 

He did like trying to pull the tissue paper out of the presents! He let me put that Santa hat on him all day long too, without any fuss.

Vic and I had decided while I was pregnant with the little one that we wanted our Christmas' to be spent at home, with our tree. I can't lie, when we FaceTimed the families I was a little bit jealous of all the hustle and bustle. But, Vic and I pulled out Monopoly while the baby was napping, poured some wine and had an epic tournament. It only took four games for me to finally win one! It may seem like a boring night to some, but listening to some Christmas tunes with my man while a fire burned was really all I needed. 

We are trying to get Ryker to get a solid dinner in these days that isn't just formula (I realized we spend $40 on two bags...which lasts like 38 bottles and not even ten days. WHAT?!) I had made a Pumpkin Bacon soup for Vic and I and set aside some chicken, bacon, pumpkin puree and broccoli to puree for the baby. When I smelled it I figured there was no way he would eat it, it was straight broccoli. He LOVED it! Couldn't get enough in his mouth. After bath time he was very ready for bed with his new toy from my Aunt Sarah.

We were supposed to roast our turkey yesterday, which is actually the same one that we were supposed to do on Thanksgiving. Um...it finally was roasted today. The good news is, it turned out pretty good for my first full turkey, considering I don't own a roasting pan. I was going to have a completely paleo day and be back on track and then Vic came home from the gym with Stove Top stuffing. That s**t s the best. I had three bites and stuck to my yummy turkey and veggies. I skipped the gym today like a lazy bum to the get the house ready for our friend that will be hanging out here with the pups while we go to Colorado next week. We can actually navigate our guest room now and I packed away so many of Ryker's clothes that are too small now. That is so hard! All the cute, itty bitty clothes, oh man. 

Ryker's first Christmas is on the books...I can't wait until next year! I hope you all had a very, Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas Eve!

Hasn't this year just flown by? I swear having a kid makes life go by faster. Even though he has no idea what is going on, I'm so excited to share this Christmas with him. He likes to be held and walk around the house, so I take him over to the Christmas tree a lot and show him the many sports and science fiction ornaments that we have. My tree is so devoted to boy things, I've got my one sparkly, leopard print ornament to represent the estrogen in the house. 

Since it's been way too long since my last post, I'll get you up to date with the other happenings in the Kassel house. Remember when I posted about the competition? Just a couple weeks after that, the paleo challenge at CrossFit Rife ended and everyone had great results! I was so happy to find a way to lose the baby weight and get stronger without being totally miserable. That being said...as soon as I wasn't help to the challenge eating rules I went completely out of my mind. For the last month, Vic and I have basically been eating like I just got out of prison. I've slowly been getting better and better every day and I'm moving back to eating as clean as I had been on the challenge. It's just so silly to not stick with a program that worked so well! It definitely takes some work and planning, but that great confidence that I found about my body is totally worth is. 

On a different note about my body, I had a pretty epic shoulder injury right after the challenge ended. A few months ago, I finally got comfortable with snatches and overhead squats. I had been afraid of both of them because of the shoulder mobility involved, I've always had a bum right shoulder. Well, I went to a WOD based on snatches one morning and went to snatch 55 pounds. The last time before that workout that I had done snatches, I had snatched 55 pounds, and had done 4 rounds of 7 with that weight. So, needless to say, I wasn't worried about being able to get that lift that morning. The first pull, I got to my chest and dropped the bar. It just felt weird. I thought about lowering the weight but figured I'd give it one more shot. Oh, I got that weight overhead....and then I dislocated my right shoulder. There is no other way to say it...holy shit, that hurt. A friend at the gym rushed me to the ER and here I am now, awaiting surgery to reattach my labrum. The doc isn't sure if he'll need to do more until I have another MRI, so I'll let you know how that goes!

Good news is, I got a cortisone shot that has really been helping me regain my range of motion and strength. I've kind of pouted ever since my injury and I've only been to the gym like 7 or 8 times since I hurt myself. But today, on Christmas Eve, I went in and was able to front squat 65 pounds! It's short of what I was doing before, but I'm able to get the bar in front rack which I couldn't do a week ago. Gains are gains! 

My friends Misty, Kristy and I, (yep, Misty, Kristy and Christina, that's a lot of isty, right?) are working together to train for the Shamrock Half Marathon. I'm excited to really hit it when I get back from Colorado for New Years. I've definitely learned how great it is to have the support of friends when it comes to workouts! It can really make all the difference.

I hope everyone has a great Christmas Eve and Christmas! Since we decided that we want to spend Christmas with our tree in our home from now on, we won't be with our families that are out of state. As sad as that is, I love cudding Ryker and singing "Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer" and watching Christmas movies, snuggling on the couch with Vic. Can't complain around here, life is good. 

Ryker: 7 Month Update

I can't believe it is already the day before Ryker's first Christmas. It blows my mind that he is a few days shy of seven months old! My little guy loves standing on our laps, yelling very loudly to let us know he is awake in the morning and he giggles like crazy if you kiss his belly. He's basically amazing. We saw the pediatrician earlier this month for his six month check up and after all of my first mom "Is this ok? Is that ok?" kind of questions, the pediatrician said "I hate to tell you this, your son is absolutely perfect." His adjusted age would put him closer to just over five months but you would never know it! He's met all of his milestones and he has stayed on the weight and height scales for his birth age so we are all good. 

For Christmas, we got Ryker some new books to read before bedtime and a Fisher Price Jumperoo. I searched a whole bunch of reviews and such before I chose which bouncer/exersaucer whatever you want to call them, and the jungle Jumperoo looked like a good choice for us! He likes it for a good chunk of time and then he all of a sudden doesn't like it and is very adamant about getting out. His poor little legs barely reach the floor on the lowest setting, so I think he just gets frustrated. We put the batteries in it for the lights and sounds but we barely ever turn them on, luckily they can be switched on and off and we don't have to constantly listen to it. 

Funny story...our nanny fills out a little form for us everyday with his naps, diapers and his activities for the day. She would always write "30 m en el bricolin" which I read as "brineolin" for the longest time. Of course, since I'm pretty sure brineolin isn't a word, I couldn't find anything about what it was or why you would spend 30 minutes with it. I finally asked a friend at work that speaks Spanish about it and she was like "No! Brincolin, it's the jumper!" So, after learning the origins of brincolin, we now only refer to the Jumperoo as el brincolin. It's just so much more fun to say!

He's starting to enjoy his Bumbo chair more. He doesn't have a whole lot of interest in sitting up on his own, he'd rather be standing so we'll see how long it is before he's just sitting. The Bumbo seems to help a little! A friend from work got us Sophie, the giraffe teething toy and his little friend, this crazy nipple/mushroom looking guy that Ryker really likes. If I put the tray on the Bumbo and put his toys on there he is a pretty happy guy!

We're taking the little guy on his first trip to Colorado soon, I'm so excited for him to see snow for the first time! 

Post Competition Success!!

The Rife Rebels got 5th at our first CrossFit competition!!! I was dumbfounded when they told me, I was like "no we got tenth, no you're wrong" but we did so well towards the end that we shot up to 5th! The other teams from my box did amazing as well, Rife basically killed it! We're missing Georgi in this picture, not sure where she ran off to!

Ryker did so well at the competition. Vic watched football on the iPad while Ryker rolled around on the ground during events and I cuddled him as much as I could between events. 

He loves sitting up like a big boy. I almost packed his Bumbo to sit in but he was fine on his blanket on the ground. Once nap time came around I was just as tired as he was and got some shut eye with him for a few minutes. 

I'm so lucky to have such amazing people in my life! Vic was such a trooper, we had to be up at 5 am and weren't home until after 7 pm. He was so supportive and really helped me push myself. My team and everyone from Rife helped me get past my concerns about my abilities and I killed it! It was such a blast and I can't wait to compete again soon. 

On a baby update note, Ryker can pass his rattle from hand to hand now and repeat back hi! He's still a spit up champ and his high chair hasn't arrived yet so I haven't started solids yet but we have our baby spoons all set! Pumping at the competition yesterday was an interesting experience, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!! 

Happy Monday everyone, start your week off strong and make yourself proud!!

Halloween!!

Ryker dressed up as Woody for his first Halloween! My sister bought him a Woody and a Tigger outfit and I thought for sure they'd still be way too big sine he's such a little string bean. We tried it on him at the last minute and ta-da! Ryker is officially in 6 month clothes, the first time he's fit into clothes that coincide with his age. He's so long now, it's crazy. He also rolls in a million directions, loves sucking his thumb (or your thumb) and will have a conversation with you that generally consists of lots of "hi!" sounds. 

We're currently dealing with some new " wake up mom and dad in the middle if the night thing" that we are not loving. Totally back to zombie mode! Sometimes he just wants to be tucked back in and then he'll fall back asleep, but sometimes he gets stuck halfway rolled over and that one cracks me up. You just have to help him roll wherever he's going and he'll give you a look like "thanks, Mom!" SMS pass right out. It's so much fun having him be interactive and playing. It's crazy how much I love that little stinker!

This weekend I've got a 5 Star Family luncheon with Vic, we got nominated but I'm sure someone is going to beat us out for community involvement but it should be fun. I've got a baby shower tomorrow and the my first legit CrossFit competition on Sunday! I'm so pumped for Sunday, it's definitely going to be rough but it's a team event and I'm excited to compete with our lovely Rife Rebels!!

Happy Friday everyone!!!

Day 2 of the Lurong Paleo Challenge!

Hey everyone! Long time, no see! Life has been pretty crazy here lately, but that's just the way things are with a little wiggle worm in the house! It's crazy how he changes every day. Lately he's become such the morning person, he's always all smiles first thing. There is no better way to start my day than being able to kiss his smiley face while I head out for a great workout!

I've been able to make it to CrossFit Rife 4-5 days a week and I've also gotten in a few races lately, like the 9/11 Heroes Run with the Travis Manion Foundation and Running Dirty in Chesapeake. I've missed the feeling I get when I'm lined up for a race. I still haven't decided on whether or not I'm ready for the half marathon in October, so we'll see. I also got to take part in an All Girls WOD at CrossFit Takeover at the beginning of the month. That was so much fun! Getting to see so many strong women was amazing and super motivating. 

Post All Girls WOD

All the Rife Girls at the All Girls WOD

Clean and Jerks...yuck.

Pull ups were actually the easy part of the WOD, a sure fire sign that I probably shouldn't have used that band. 

After the Running Dirty event in Chesapeake, I fell in the pool of water under the last obstacle and got cleaned off, Vic was a champ and did the pyramid lookin' monkey bars like they were nothing.

Mmm, post run Shock Top!

He dropped so much mud from his beard into his beer!

This week I started the Lurong Living Paleo Challenge. It's basically a challenge with benchmark WOD's to test your fitness improvement and a very strict interpretation of the Paleo diet. I'm really excited about how following this will help with the baby weight. I've got ten pounds left to get back to my pre-baby weight,  154, so there is lots of hard work ahead! Here are my specific goals that I submitted for the challenge:

1. Do an unassisted pullup

2. Lose ten pounds

3. Look better naked

4. Drink one ounce of water for every two pounds of body weight each day

5. Set a new one mile PR

6. Stretch for 10 minutes each day

I'll keep you posted on how the progress on these go!

Since it seems like the weather here is finally starting to cool down Vic and I should be getting the pups out for more walks at night. Since I work in a cave all day the time spent outside with my little family will be really nice. I'm so ready for sweatshirts and Uggs! I love the summertime but Virginia really knows how to teach a girl a lesson about heat and humidity. I'm officially over summer and ready to be chilly. I love fires, our fireplace was one of my favorite parts of our house. Here's to some chilly nights!

Pretty, pretty Saturday!

It is such a beautiful day out, I can't even handle it. I think that I've mentioned before how I've felt kind of guilty when it comes to our pups, but days like this they are all I think about because it is great walking weather! It is so hard to get them out for good exercise in the middle of summer because it is just so dang hot. I'm at my limit with the hot, humid weather and so ready for it to start progressively cooling down, I know the pups and Vic are too!

As you know, Ryker had his doctor visit the other day and got a butt load of shots. While that night was a tad miserable for a little bit, he wound up sleeping through the night like any other one and did really well the next day. His sleep is so awesome now, he made it until 4 am this morning! On the weekends I try to breastfeed him exclusively as much as possible, so I get to sleep in until he wakes up to breastfeed instead of having to pump. It's amazing. Lately I've accidentally been sleeping through my 1 am alarm to pump, which makes me feel a little guilty because I'm unsure of whether or not it is affecting my supply. We've got a few bottles of milk in the fridge for him though so I guess we are doing just fine!

Back to the doctor...I can't remember if I mentioned that he is on the normal baby charts now and is no longer having to consider his adjusted age. For a normal 12 week old he falls at 50 percentile for height, 25 percentile for weight and 20 percentile for head circumference. He's still our little runt but it's so great to know that he is catching up just like he should. 

So, I've been taking Reglan for the last little bit to try and up my supply and I must say that I don't think it is really doing much for me. I wish that I hadn't even started trying it because I hate to introduce anything into Ryker and I that is unnecessary but I had figured it would be worth a shot if it helped us to wean him off of formula. In the end, I have a few doses left to finish up but I think that his being a more efficient eater and my pumping more often at work as helped my supply more than the medication. I've been having Vic take pictures of Ryker and I breastfeeding at all the random places we've been recently. That sounds kind of crazy but I've perfected the ability to walk and feed, so wandering the battlefields and Yorktown while feeding was pretty awesome! Oh the things you find cool after having a baby...

Speaking of cool, here are some pictures of my little goof ball!

It's pre-Friday!

Today was a pretty big Thursday, Ryker's first set of immunizations happened today :(

He did a lot better than I did, I almost started crying when he realized what was happening and he started crying. The nurse jammed that mean needle in so fast and so hard (ha, giggity), it looked horrible. But, I had him latch on right away, he calmed down immediately and he's been napping ever since. Vic and his friend Danny are planning on celebrating Danny's birthday tonight with some Colorado/Virginia Xbox action so should Ryker lose his mind from the shots tonight Daddy will be up to help out. 

Today's workout was awesome. As I went to leave the box I got pulled into running an extra mile by some of the girls and it was amazing, exactly the kind of motivation I love about CrossFit Rife. 

Thursday's Workout

70 hand release pushups 

At every break in the pushups (any rest) run 100 meters with a 25 lb. sand bag

I finished in 8:38. Push ups are so not my thing, so they slowed me down a bit. We ran the extra mile afterwards at a pretty good pace, it did a great job of reminding me that I have a lot of training ground to cover to get back to the runner I used to be!

*Update: As I was writing this Ryker woke from his nap and lost his F-ing mind so I had to finish this post friday morning. The poor thing has a bruise the size of a golf ball on each leg and they're super tender. The good news is that after an hour of singing to him in the bath, a shower and cuddling on the bed we finally coaxed some baby Tylenol into him and he relaxed enough to sleep like any normal night! His little wails had me ready to cry again but when he finally calmed down and just stared at me, right in the eyes while I told him over and over that I'd always be there to help make everything alright. I love that little stinker so much!! 

Here he is as Daddy's little football, we love the onesie from Nordstrom. Sorry you can't see more of it...

Easy fast food dinner this week: Whole Foods Kebabs thrown on the grill and paired with a salad!

Ryker's new lumberjack onesie, I can't wait for it to fit him! Thanks Kathleen!

Another great paleo dinner: Giant flank steak marinated in coconut aminos and honey. Can't lie, we used un-paleo soy instead of aminos...woops! When the challenge rolls around I'll have to follow recipes more strictly.

Served up with cabbage sautéed with carrots, ginger and green onions in sesame oil.

Hump Day!!

Wednesday's Workout

So, this morning I almost pussed out and hit the snooze button when my alarm went off at 5 am. The good news is that despite the fact that Ryker refuses to go to sleep at bedtime anymore and that he loves to switch up his routine every three days and confuse his dad and I, I still got out of bed and made it to this morning's 6 am WOD.

20 Min. EMOM (Every minute on the minute)

3 Snatch Deadlifts

2 Power Snatches

1 Overhead Squat

So, this is what we were supposed to do but we were short on the 35 pound bars. My friend Sarah and I shared a barbell, so we were scaled down to every other minute for the twenty minutes. Stefan, the coach this morning, also scaled the movements so our workout looked more like this:

20 Min. Every other minute on the minute

2 Power Snatches

3 Overhead Squats

We started out with just the 35 pound bar, but then we added five pounds. Considering the weight that some of the other girls were throwing around I was a little disappointed in not doing more weight, but overhead squats  make me extremely nervous, so we figured it would be better to work on improving our skill with the movement instead of going to heavy. The good news is that the bar plus 5 pounds turned out to be a personal record for both Sarah and I!

I was thinking that maybe tonight I would get a good jog in, but then I remembered that Vic and I have chiropractor appointments and we desperately need to make a grocery store run. I'm trying to eat as cleanly and Paleo as possible. The Lurong Living Challenge is coming up quick and I would really like to not be a big ole' cheater when it comes to that! My goal this week is four workouts and to try and get some running in. I have that Half Marathon coming up in October that I signed up for right after I had Ryker. I'd really like to try and train enough to complete it and not have to defer my registration to next year.

On a Ryker note...we're in big boy diapers! We are officially out of the land of newborn diapers and should be moving on past the newborn clothes also. He's getting so big, it's nuts! I'm kind of sad to see some of my favorite onesies and pajama sets not fit him anymore, but I know it just means that it's time for more new cute clothes! Hope everyone has a great Hump Day!

I'm back!!

It's been a while but the workout posts are back! Here we go...

TUESDAY'S WORKOUT

3 Rounds for Time:

15 Pullups (Blue Band, pull to lower chest)

15 dips (I did the first set on the rings, the rest on a box)

10 Handstand push ups (done with a band for the first set, then handstands on the wall for the rest)

20 Pistols (otherwise known as one leg squats!)

This workout took me 17:10. As I speak my arms are too tired to even hold Ryker's bottle for him, so I know that I put in a good effort but I seem to always feel like maybe I should have tried harder lately. I guess that's what tomorrow is for right?!

Dinner was some chicken tenderloins, about 6 oz, in a chipotle marinade from Lawry's with a sweet potato and some corn on the cob. I'm starting the Lurong Paleo Challenge in September, so my days of corn and none whole foods are nearly over. I'm excited for what the challenge should be able to do to help with getting back to pre-baby shape. 

Well, time to get ready for bed! Tomorrow I'll be hitting up the 6 am class at CrossFit Rife. Thank goodness it's almost Wednesday, the week is almost over! 

Playin' catch up

I can't believe how long it has been since I was able to sit down and blog. Who'd have thunk that a baby would take up all of your free time, huh? I'm supposed to be back at work today, it's my second week off of maternity leave, but last night Vic came down with the worst stomach virus ever so I'm here taking care of him and shielding Ryker from that nasty stomach bug. I can't even fathom trying to deal with a whole family of sick, I remember being a kid and all of us getting sick at the same time. My poor Mom, that's all I can think!

On a happier, less sick note...we've had all sorts of visitors! Vic's parents came to visit the week before last and his grandmother and sister just left Sunday morning. We had a lot of fun just hanging out playing cards and going out for great meals. Ryker got to have his first day at the beach too! 

Ryker's first baseball game. Go Tides!

Ryker out with us for date night. Isn't it funny how tiny that little beer is? Made for a perfect photo op, but he'll be in big trouble if I catch him drinking before he's 42. 

Ryker and "Momma K"!

Ryker and "Grand Daddy-O"!

Beach day!! Isn't that hat silly?

Vic and I, Lillan and his sister Annichen in front of the Norwegian Lady statue at the Oceanfront.

Lillan and Ryker getting some cuddle time at Catch 31

He's been doing so great lately and he is just so big! He's already more than doubled his weight since he was born. He's starting to make eye contact and hold it for a while too which I love. He's learning to sleep and play in his bedroom also. We've started putting him down for naps and some alone time during the day to get him used to the space. We bought the Summer Peek 2 (I think that's what it is called...) monitor and it is pretty awesome. We mounted it on a shelf over his changing pad and we can zoom and pan the monitor and it even tells us the temperature in the room. 

Going back to work last week went a lot better than I thought it would. Here is my sad "I don't want to go back to work" face...

 With Ryker sleeping a little bit longer at night I've been able to avoid being a total zombie in the morning. I tried to get up for workouts at CrossFit Rife the first day back and didn't account for pumping time before I left so I only made it there once last week in the morning. It felt great to get my workout done early, way more convenient than the evening. I've been sooooo frustrated with trying to eat right and get my workouts in so that I can lose the baby pooch. Ryker made his first trip to CrossFit with me this last week, he slept through the whole workout! I think he likes the loud music. I just plopped him down in his carseat and got my workout on. Vic has been doing the same thing and taking him in his carseat to Flex. 

 

Breastfeeding is going awesome lately! I try to make sure that as soon as I get home from work or the gym I am feeding him on demand as much as possible. My work has been super awesome about my disappearing to pump and my supply has been doing really well with all the changes. Ryker is getting to be a super efficient feeder too, so that helps out with it not taking so long to do. While we had visitors here I nursed him at McCormick and Schmick's and at Catch 31, too very nice restaurants. At first I felt funny doing it, but with my super cute nursing cover and a cooperative baby it is no trouble at all. 

I know I keep saying that at some point I am going to write about the books that I've read for my doula certification and I really do swear that will happen! I really like the Nursing Mother's Companion, I think it was more up my alley than Bestfeeding. It seemed like it was less "stop complaining about nursing being hard" and offered more information. I've got to get my next book soon, it'd be nice to be able to bring it in my pump bag for some reading while I'm pumping at work. 

Well, it's time to check in on the hubby and see if he is feeling any better and maybe get some housework done while everyone is sleeping. Might as well take advantage of my random day off! I happened to see a commercial for this ridiculous show on Lifetime On Demand called Pretty Wicked Moms, that should entertain me while I do dishes. I'm sorry if this post was super random, someday I should be able to organize thoughts again! Happy Monday everyone!