Picking up where we left off

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.”

― Paramahansa Yogananda

 Hey friends!

I made a crazy decision last weekend, last Friday to be exact. Something was eating at me, and with my Mom and Dad in town and on a drive up to Busch Gardens, I knew the decision was something I had to follow through with. I had gone back to work over the summer, taking a sales job. Actually, with the same giant company that Vic works for! Vic loves his job, and I craved that same sense of outward approval and satisfaction that comes fro a job well done. I enjoyed my time in the Navy, and had hoped I would get a similar feeling that I used to get from solving problems and developing solutions while I was there.

I’ve tried sales before and I hated it. Turns out, I still hate it. My team offered support and training, but I still hated it. I don’t like to push things on people, I don’t like to push past objections and while I thought I would appreciate the sales goals, they wound up keeping me up at night. No joke, I would wake up to need to use the bathroom at 2 am and the first thing I would think about was work. Considering I had only been there for six week, I knew that this wasn’t going to be a healthy scenario for me.

I’m an outrageously anxious, overly stressed out person. Shit, I’m probably a fantastic candidate for anti-anxiety medication, but it’s just not something I want to bring in to my life. You see, I know that a lot of my day to day concerns and stress are self-produced. Ryker had brought up months ago that he wanted to go back to preschool. So, I started looking for word. When it didn’t happen as easily as I wanted it to, I got in my head about being a stay at home Mom and how people probably think I’m pathetic and haven’t accomplished anything and wouldn’t be good in the workplace. So, I took the first job I got offered and wanted to run with it, despite knowing that sales makes me super uncomfortable. I wanted it to work, but it just didn’t.

Worrying about what people think of you is just so dumb! In hindsight, I highly doubt that anyone gives a shit about what I do with my day, haha. I told Vic that I feel like I’ve seen the light with my being a stay at home Mom, I stepped away for a minute and I missed my babies and our routine and my ability to be there for Vic when he needed me the entire time. Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of being a powerful woman in the corporate world. No joke, my Mom has a plate I made when I was a kid where I drew myself in a pantsuit dreaming of being just like Barbara Walters. I used to watch her nightly as a small child, I’m not kidding, and dreamt of being a journalist. I loved Working Girl with Melanie Griffith, especially the scene where she walks in to work in her suit and tennis shoes and then changes in to her heels. Who knows why, I just loved it. That’s where I saw my life going.

Fast forward to now. The extra money would be super nice, but the extra time with my kids is nicer. In a year, Ryker starts school and I will never get this time in his life back where he has no outward obligations. So, I’m going to soak it up. I’m going to put a little more effort in to doing fun things, and I’m going to work with them myself on preparing for school. But, I’m also going to be kinder to myself, as a woman, a wife and a mother. I’m going to enjoy my life to the absolute max and help ensure that my family does the same.

 Vic threw my own favorite words at me while I struggled over the last few months to force myself into a groove that wasn’t right. “You can’t pour from an empty cup” and “you have to water your own grass”. So, here I am, with a full cup and my watering pail and I’m taking care of my home first and foremost. I’m working on solely making today a great day, and tomorrow, I will take care of tomorrow.

Today, the kids have their last day of daycare and I have an empty home, so I’m going to hit up the gym and get the house to what I like to think of as “beauty base zero” (hurry, name that book/movie!).  I would love to hear your thoughts and share stories and conversations on how you’ve found your groove! It’s time for me to start getting the day started, I’m happy to be back here with you guys and focusing on what I love and what brings me joy, so that hopefully I can light up my little part of the world just a bit more. I recognize that not everyone has the awesome opportunity to just walk away from a job like this, and I’m going to be sure to take full advantage of how lucky I am. Happy Friday, folks!