Head down, thoughts high

Yesterday was my Grandmother’s birthday, she turned 75! Her birthday happens to be my half birthday, which has been a fun little thing for us to share and laugh about for years. When I called her yesterday, we spoke about what is going on in her life (she’s about to move closer to all of us), and she asked about how my competition prep is going. I told her about how Vic and I both had the flu this week, and how after 8 weeks of prepping, I’m starting to get burnt out and a little frustrated. I told her that I didn’t know if I could ever do this again, that I love the results but that the grind and focus on needing to do more is starting to wear me down.

My competition suit!

As I sit here this morning, drinking my coffee in my silent, sleepy house on a Saturday morning, I am reflecting on that conversation, and a number of other conversations that I’ve had with Vic and my Mom lately in regards to competition prep. I’m typically an all or nothing kind of person, if something doesn’t grab me enough to be an “all”, it will usually end up a nothing. I’ll just move on. There have been a few times that I’ve told Vic “I don’t want to do this anymore”, “I don’t know how people can do this, this sucks”. But then I shut up and I eat my perfectly portioned meal, I drag myself to the gym and I get the work done. While I may have had some growing pains throughout the last couple of months, this has been my “all”. I’ve bitched and moaned about it, but instead of quitting and finding a way to justify moving past this, I’ve fought to continue this prep, to continue to push myself further and find what happens when I commit to changes and new challenges.

First progress picture

I hit a new low this morning, so maybe that’s where this veiled positivity is coming from. My coach is hoping we’ll break in to the 120’s at the end of prep, and we are quickly approaching what I thought was an outrageous scenario. I’ve focused on how hard this is, how much I hate it and how I just want to have different goals, and yet I fight for this one, I’ve been desperately clinging to my need to finish this, and to finish strong. Maybe I secretly love this? While the road to the results may suck a bit, I think I’ve found one of the best examples of my personal version of “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. Competition prep is not for the light hearted, and I don’t know that now, being 8 weeks in and just under 7 weeks out, if I would suggest it to majority of the people I know, but I do suggest this…take a second to reevaluate your words, your thoughts and your actions about the things you choose to spend your time on. I know, after my little coffee revelation this morning, I am going to grind through the next seven weeks with a different attitude. I’m going to honor this choice I made and the work I’ve put in with a positive light, with motivating thoughts and with pride, because I’ve worked too damn hard so far to not take a second and applaud what I’ve been doing.

7 weeks out

I hope that you have that something like this in your life, and if you don’t yet, I encourage you to go ahead and jump head first in to that project you’ve been thinking about. Especially those of us that are parents and give so much to our families, work on you, and don’t feel guilty about it! And above all, take a second to look at your attitude and adjust accordingly. Now, I need a new cup of coffee.