Traffic, Disneyland and Muffin Cookies

It has been a week, let me tell ya. I'm the kind of person that professionally stresses, like really...when is someone going to start paying me for all of this stressing I do? This week, I have my final project for a Sports Finance class to do, the class is the last one in my Sports Management graduate certificate to go with my Masters, and I just want it done. The class is pretty far over my head, I'm not a balance sheet kind of girl. So, I decided that I would take the kids to Disneyland this last Thursday for some magical R&R before diving into this powerpoint over the weekend. I wanted to get there when they opened, because the lines are shorter and they do some special stuff with the characters in Toontown first thing in the morning.

So, we left at 6:30 in the morning...and I hit the worst traffic EVER. Siri had me weaving through side streets to avoid the terrible freeway, and then dumped me at a freeway entrance that took almost an hour to get onto with the traffic lights and congestion. We finally get to Disneyland, Cora has been screaming the whole way, and they loop me around the park three times before sending me into the parking lot that is furthest away. Now, here's the thing, I go to Disneyland sometimes for my cardio! So the walk wasn't really a problem, except that I had been in my car for an extra hour and a half and really had to pee. I unload the car and load the stroller only to realize there is a piece of metal sticking out of my low tire. I call Vic freaking out, and we decide to call USAA and have roadside assistance meet me after I get a few hours of Mickey with the kids. Fast forward to running back out to the car, it turns out the metal was barely in there (I didn't mess with it too much for fear of creating a leak) and we were on our way home. There were so many tears from all three of us in the car, but in the end the day was great and I actually wanted to try again the next day. Disney problem much, anyone?

Days like that are great for perspective, and helped my parenting a bit. I was a terrible Mom in the car, despite the whole trip being about giving the kids and I a great day! Cora wants to hold my hand, from the back seat, while we drive. All the time! So, she's screaming at me, Ryker wanted her to be quiet and wanted to know when we would be at Disneyland and traffic was making me crazy. I muttered to myself that I was going to throw Cora out the window if she didn't shush, and that sent Ryker over the edge. "Don't throw Cora out the window, Mom! She's my best friend!" It took a good 20 minutes to calm him down and convince him that I didn't mean it, that I was just frustrated. He's so aware, and at three, I forget that he's turning into a real little person, he's not a baby anymore. He thanked me and apologized for "making you impossibly crazy" all day. All I wanted to do was ease his little mind's worries and get a smile on his face, and Disneyland never fails there! I generally have a long fuse with the kids, but with my prep and everything it has definitely gotten shorter. That morning was a reminder that I chose to do this for me and I need to keep my shit together for them!

Now, on to the fun stuff. The recipe I'm going to share is from a family cookbook. It is supposed to be muffins, but I baked them as cookies to make it easier for Cora to hold them. I don't suggest the cookie route, they were too moist and Ryker got weirded out, so, we'll stick to muffins! It's been hard for me to not snack on these all day, they've got a good amount of pumpkin and banana, so they're healthy in my book, haha! I ran the macros for the recipe done as cookies, and for 40 little cookies it came to roughly 120 calories, 4 grams of fat, 19 grams of carbs and 2 grams of protein. Let me know if you try them!

Head down, thoughts high

Yesterday was my Grandmother’s birthday, she turned 75! Her birthday happens to be my half birthday, which has been a fun little thing for us to share and laugh about for years. When I called her yesterday, we spoke about what is going on in her life (she’s about to move closer to all of us), and she asked about how my competition prep is going. I told her about how Vic and I both had the flu this week, and how after 8 weeks of prepping, I’m starting to get burnt out and a little frustrated. I told her that I didn’t know if I could ever do this again, that I love the results but that the grind and focus on needing to do more is starting to wear me down.

My competition suit!

As I sit here this morning, drinking my coffee in my silent, sleepy house on a Saturday morning, I am reflecting on that conversation, and a number of other conversations that I’ve had with Vic and my Mom lately in regards to competition prep. I’m typically an all or nothing kind of person, if something doesn’t grab me enough to be an “all”, it will usually end up a nothing. I’ll just move on. There have been a few times that I’ve told Vic “I don’t want to do this anymore”, “I don’t know how people can do this, this sucks”. But then I shut up and I eat my perfectly portioned meal, I drag myself to the gym and I get the work done. While I may have had some growing pains throughout the last couple of months, this has been my “all”. I’ve bitched and moaned about it, but instead of quitting and finding a way to justify moving past this, I’ve fought to continue this prep, to continue to push myself further and find what happens when I commit to changes and new challenges.

First progress picture

I hit a new low this morning, so maybe that’s where this veiled positivity is coming from. My coach is hoping we’ll break in to the 120’s at the end of prep, and we are quickly approaching what I thought was an outrageous scenario. I’ve focused on how hard this is, how much I hate it and how I just want to have different goals, and yet I fight for this one, I’ve been desperately clinging to my need to finish this, and to finish strong. Maybe I secretly love this? While the road to the results may suck a bit, I think I’ve found one of the best examples of my personal version of “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. Competition prep is not for the light hearted, and I don’t know that now, being 8 weeks in and just under 7 weeks out, if I would suggest it to majority of the people I know, but I do suggest this…take a second to reevaluate your words, your thoughts and your actions about the things you choose to spend your time on. I know, after my little coffee revelation this morning, I am going to grind through the next seven weeks with a different attitude. I’m going to honor this choice I made and the work I’ve put in with a positive light, with motivating thoughts and with pride, because I’ve worked too damn hard so far to not take a second and applaud what I’ve been doing.

7 weeks out

I hope that you have that something like this in your life, and if you don’t yet, I encourage you to go ahead and jump head first in to that project you’ve been thinking about. Especially those of us that are parents and give so much to our families, work on you, and don’t feel guilty about it! And above all, take a second to look at your attitude and adjust accordingly. Now, I need a new cup of coffee.